As a very busy Unicorn I don’t have much time to date so I must squeeze the men in where I can, like last Sunday. I’m sure that this tale will make you wonder all kinds of things about me and where I am meeting these lovely gents, so ask away and I will give you all the info I can without incriminating any of the creepy whackos directly.
So, it’s an easy Sunday, a little yoga then getting my nails done. I see that I got a few calls from a restricted # while in downward dog…and I check my messages to see that it’s the guy from that 80’s TV show that I took home and fucked last week after the auction. (The one advertised in the back of the newspaper “Seized Property, From the Honolulu Police Department! Jewels, Art, Other Crap!”) **If you are taking notes this is generally not a good place to meet men….but I was having a bit of an off day because I kind of got broken up with the night before by a guy that didn’t like my default dirty talk and insinuated I was a slut!! So, like I said, I was off and I wanted to get back on -apparently on anyone.
Auction guy asks to see me, like now, now-now, this minute now…awww…isn’t that nice? No, it’s not nice because he is a nutjob and asks me if I will take the AIDS test that he has in his Prius so he won’t be so worried about fucking me last week. Oy. I wasn’t concerned that I had AIDS, but didn’t think it was the worst idea I’d ever heard. Well, I took the test; in the Prius- Negative…guess it could have been worse??
Date #1, over. Home to primp for Date # 2. A new-age internet mogul who has several sites devoted to finding your bliss and all of that horseshit. I think it will be fun to make him squirm. He shows up in guess what a Prius!! (Oh, the memories…) Anyway, he is sick and tells me he was thinking of cancelling. Gee- that makes me just want to shine my little beam of happiness right up his ass!! SO WHY DIDN’T YOU CANCEL?? Driving 45 minutes to meet a sick dude in a Nyquil haze is not much better than an AIDS test in a hybrid! So, we decide to let him go home to bed but not before we discuss the possibilities of OMing together. That is Orgasm Meditation. He would rub my clit in a very professional way in a room full of strangers. I’m in.
Date #2, over. Home to lay down for a bit until #3 picks me up at 9PM. He is a giant man and deals diamonds. What is not to like?? Rumor has it that when he got up to go to the bathroom I followed him in, undid his belt and sucked on his not-nearly-as-big-as-I-had- hoped weenie.
Date #3, over.