RottenNO DATING!,,,,,,,,,,,,,I wanted to see Mike Tyson’s one man show. Part empathy, part fascination, part justification in my attempt to be the coolest Unicorn on the block…if your block is in Compton anyway.

These tickets were purchased a month ago and I was just waiting for the right dude to present himself to score the invite. Waiting. Waiting.

Well, there is the gorgeous, sexually dominant, turquoise-eyed photographer who made me swoon. But he is much too busy attempting to be Scavullo to “date”. He’s not in “dating mode”. Fucking mode?? Sure. Just not the dreaded date.

Then there is the guy that I met 4 years ago in Runyon. Bea-you-ti-ful! Seriously, the arms of a Greek god, and tall and yummy. We met because he was calling “Journey” over and over….so I asked him “are you calling my daughter?” and he replied, “no, that is my dog’s name.” We had a brief chat over our coincidence where he told me his name and that he was a chiropractor, and then I remembered I was married. Damn.

Skip ahead 4 years to online dating and there he is- guns ablaze!!!! His moniker includes “Journey” and I knew I had to have a crack at him. I read his profile where he uses,,, instead of … but it’s more like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. His insane dumbness is confirmed in further communications as is his misogyny. On our very first phone chat he says “Women in this town suck. They are broke and crazy and it’s time for payback! I’m not paying for one more meal, one more drink,,,,,in fact you better be making me dinner.” Undeterred by Dr. Rockhead’s rant, I tell him that I am just what he needs to restore faith in womenkind as I want to take him to a show! ,,,,,,,,,,, He already has tickets and is taking his mom and since I am not offering him Lakers tickets in the future, he lets me know we are done.

As the Unicorn likes it, there is always someone waiting in the wings….so I ask him, and he jumps at the chance. Eeew.

I spend the day getting angrier and angrier at myself that I asked the backup who is already near suicide with my push and pull…and when he calls at 5:00PM to see what time he should be ready for the show that is at 8:00PM, I tell him “I don’t want to go with you”. Unicunt.

I jump online at 6:00PM to see who has messaged me, hoping that the Universe will deliver me a date. There is someone new….and hot! I message back…do you have plans tonight and he replies “yes”. Using my unicorn charms I get him to cancel his plans and be at my place by 7:30. I have all of that fun, nervous energy going and when I open the door, he’s really tall and a bit more pock-marked than I anticipated, but I can work with this. He comes in as I get the vodka (for me) flowing and I say… “Oh, what does that giant tattoo on your neck say?” His reply; “Rotten”.

We go to the show, it’s like hanging out with Learch (not joking at all here), back to my place to see a few more stupid tattoos, we kiss and he goes home.

I jump on FB for laughs and I see my friend just posted that she had “one of those days” and I reach out to her explaining that “Rotten” just left my place.

Let’s sum it up by saying a 6’5” guy with a “Rotten” tattoo on his neck leaves an impression. All over town…thanks for the info girl!


I hope you enjoy the visuals! It’s probably illegal, but who would arrest a Unicorn?


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