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“Rotten”

I wanted to see Mike Tyson’s one man show. Part empathy, part fascination, part justification in my attempt to be the coolest Unicorn on the block…if your block is in Compton anyway. These tickets were purchased a month ago and I was just waiting for the right dude to present himself to score the invite. … Continue reading

IT’S A #’s GAME

As a very busy Unicorn I don’t have much time to date so I must squeeze the men in where I can, like last Sunday. I’m sure that this tale will make you wonder all kinds of things about me and where I am meeting these lovely gents, so ask away and I will give you all the info I can without incriminating any of the creepy whackos directly.

So, it’s an easy Sunday, a little yoga then getting my nails done. I see that I got a few calls from a restricted # while in downward dog…and I check my messages to see that it’s the guy from that 80’s TV show that I took home and fucked last week after the auction. (The one advertised in the back of the newspaper “Seized Property, From the Honolulu Police Department! Jewels, Art, Other Crap!”) **If you are taking notes this is generally not a good place to meet men….but I was having a bit of an off day because I kind of got broken up with the night before by a guy that didn’t like my default dirty talk and insinuated I was a slut!! So, like I said, I was off and I wanted to get back on -apparently on anyone.

Auction guy asks to see me, like now, now-now, this minute now…awww…isn’t that nice? No, it’s not nice because he is a nutjob and asks me if I will take the AIDS test that he has in his Prius so he won’t be so worried about fucking me last week. Oy. I wasn’t concerned that I had AIDS, but didn’t think it was the worst idea I’d ever heard. Well, I took the test; in the Prius- Negative…guess it could have been worse??

Date #1, over. Home to primp for Date # 2. A new-age internet mogul who has several sites devoted to finding your bliss and all of that horseshit. I think it will be fun to make him squirm. He shows up in guess what a Prius!! (Oh, the memories…) Anyway, he is sick and tells me he was thinking of cancelling. Gee- that makes me just want to shine my little beam of happiness right up his ass!! SO WHY DIDN’T YOU CANCEL?? Driving 45 minutes to meet a sick dude in a Nyquil haze is not much better than an AIDS test in a hybrid! So, we decide to let him go home to bed but not before we discuss the possibilities of OMing together. That is Orgasm Meditation. He would rub my clit in a very professional way in a room full of strangers. I’m in.

Date #2, over. Home to lay down for a bit until #3 picks me up at 9PM. He is a giant man and deals diamonds. What is not to like?? Rumor has it that when he got up to go to the bathroom I followed him in, undid his belt and sucked on his not-nearly-as-big-as-I-had- hoped weenie.

Date #3, over.